you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
