i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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