DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
