I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
