hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
