the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
