It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
