Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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