I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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