apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
