hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
