She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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