Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
