I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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