Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just saw a hot homeless man
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
