i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
