If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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