Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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