I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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