your parents love me but you hate me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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