I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
