Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
