literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
