Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
