she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
