like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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