8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
