4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
What a dumb baby whore.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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