I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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