I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
