I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
