I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
