Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
