A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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