I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
