Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I intend to get homeless drunk
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
