yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
