p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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