So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
