Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
