also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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