look no pants
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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