my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I intend to get homeless drunk
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
