her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
