VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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