He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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