I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I could make wine with my vomit
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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