grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
