i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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