Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
