you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
